Hopeful parenting when your kids are emotionally hurting

Parents never want to see their child in emotional pain. We have a natural instinct to do everything in our power to take away their pain. While we may try to automatically fix our child’s situation, they need to go through their own healing process to find success on the other side.

When your child is experiencing emotional pain, you can provide hope. Hopeful parenting is believing you possess the inner strength, determination, and tools to move yourself and your children beyond emotional pain.

Hope encourages you to move beyond fear and despair and helps you survive and adjust to tough circumstances. It’s the backbone of resilience. Hope is also the key to overcoming a traumatic experience.

Empathy is a great approach to help you and your children build hope and move through traumatic situations. When your kids are emotionally hurting, try these steps for hopeful parenting:

1.   Join your child.

Letting your child know that that if you experienced a traumatic experience, you would also feel alone, scared, shameful, and sad.

2.   Build resiliency.

Assure yourself and your child that traumatic circumstances do not define who your child is or will become. Children are young and vulnerable, but also resilient. Encourage your child to know that he or she has the opportunity to choose their own identity.

3.   Encourage self-belief.

People who view themselves as a victims believe they don’t deserve nice things and have low self-esteem, hopelessness, negative thinking, shame, and confusion. When a child or adult learns to become a survivor of their circumstances, they begin to feel proud and can live in the present. They have hope that their life can improve and look forward to the future.

4.   Look forward to the future.

If your child has experienced a traumatic event, help him to look at the situation in a broader context and to keep a long-term perspective. Your child may only be focusing on his current pain. Help her see there is a brighter future beyond the current situation. An optimistic outlook can help a child move forward in the worst of times.

Our first natural instinct when our kids are hurting is to take away their pain as quickly as possible. This is a protective instinct for parents. Instead, give your child the gift of hope. Show them an empathetic understanding and help him move through his journey of healing.

Dr. Sue Cornbluth

Dr. Sue Cornbluth is a nationally recognized parenting expert in high conflict parenting situations. Dr. Sue is a mental health contributor for national television shows such as NBC, FOX, and CBS. She contributes to national publications and writes a monthly parenting column in Parents Express magazine. She is the author of the best-selling book Building Self-esteem in Children and Teens who are Adopted or Fostered. To find out more about her work visit DrSueAndYou.com.

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