10 Ways to teach your children about internal discipline

Pity the parent of an undisciplined child. Their life is chaos. They never know when the eruption may come – in the middle of a grocery store because their child wants a toy; in the middle of a furniture store because their child is bored and starts jumping on sofas; in the middle of a birthday party when their child starts screaming over a toy he can’t play with.

When your child is in high school, you might find yourself sitting in the principal’s office after your teen has been caught cheating on tests, copying homework, and skipping school. For eighteen years, friends and family have wondered, “What kind of child are you raising? What kind of parent are you?”

Let’s remember a couple of things: All kids act like kids. They spill things, run into things, break down into tears, or take a swing at another child for taking their toys. They might even try talking back to their parents to see what happens. But here’s a rule you can write down on your refrigerator:

A child who is an embarrassment to his parents at the age of three, ten, fourteen, and eighteen will also be an embarrassment to them when he is thirty.

Why? Because they’ve never learned discipline. Discipline is the internal art of making good decisions at appropriate times. Yes, this involves disciplining your kids, but even more important, teaching them to have an internal discipline that overrides their emotions – feelings and impulses.

Here are ten ways to teach your children about internal discipline:

1.   Expect good behavior from your children at an early age.

We can love and cuddle our baby and toddler, but the first time he hits and hurts us, an instant consequence should follow.

2.   Be firm in your expectations of your children’s behavior.

Talk about your expectations at dinner frequently. Don’t relax these expectations just because it’s your child’s birthday, he’s tired, or she had a fight with her best friend. This is where children learn discipline can overcome their emotions.

3.   Be around your kids frequently.

Plop them in the stroller at courtside when you play tennis. Take them with you when you play golf. Model the behavior you expect when you hit a bad shot or can’t find your ball. Show them life can be fun, even when it isn’t going your way.

4.   Never, ever, ever put up with them talking back in public.

Take them out of the store and into your car. You want to stop negative behavior in their tracks. If they are afraid of your reaction, they will curtail their behavior.

5.   Do not offer bribes for good behavior.

Soon you’ll be buying them a Corvette so you can eat dinner in peace.

6.   Watch their playmates.

If their friends are spoiled brats, get new friends. Kids learn from other kids.

7.   Offer a special reward.

While I don’t condone bribery, a reward for good behavior every two or three months is a good thing. By making it irregular, a child doesn’t expect every time, but learns there is a future reward.

8.   Be careful in your praise.

Good behavior should be an expectation, not as a means to being told, “You’re the bestus little girl in the world.”

9.   Do not ever be embarrassed by your child’s lack of athletic or musical skill.

Your child needs to experience love and acceptance when she fails, not your misplaced egotistical embarrassment over their failure.

10.   Work on being proud of your children – their mistakes and failures, successes and triumphs.

You may have to pray to God for Him to show you your child’s outstanding qualities. Seriously, don’t laugh. Many parents to this.

The more we instill discipline in our children and recognize what is wonderful and God-given in our child, the more we will be proud of them. This will lead our children to even greater accomplishments.

Harry H. Harrison, Jr.

Harry is a New York Times best selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He is the author of numerous books including Fearless Parenting: Raising a Child to Face the Adult World. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit FearlessParenting.com.

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