What’s hot and what’s not in relationships

Deep in the heart of every woman is the desire for deeply satisfying relationships. Many women experience that joy.  But almost every woman has at least one or two relationships that tug at her heart. Whether it’s with a spouse, child, friend, parent or sibling, she longs for that relationship to be closer. Below is a list of hot character traits that will foster closeness, and other character traits or behaviors that will not bring about the changes you desire in your relationships.

What’s hot?

Forgiveness – In any relationship, there will be times when you hurt one another. Ask for forgiveness, and give it as well. Learn from your mistakes and avoid taking advantage of one another. The heart is tender.

Creativity – Seek new ways of being in relationship with one another. Approach each task or activity together as if it were new.

Listening – Listen with all of you, not just your ears, but 100% of your mind, heart and soul.

Gratitude – Express your appreciation and express it often for all the little things and the big things your spouse, children, friends, parents, siblings, co-workers, and even strangers do for you.

Playfulness – Let the child in you come out. Be spontaneous and engage in pleasurable activities. Allow laughter to be part of your everyday life.

Tolerance – Become aware that everyone is different and deserves to be valued as a human being, even if you don’t condone their actions.

Sensitivity – To be tuned into your genuine emotions, needs and attitudes and to those around you and to be able to respond in kind is a skill and a gift that every relationship will benefit from. We all know what it feels like when someone is insensitive, and those words or actions can never be taken back.

What’s not?

Pride – My experience with pride in relationships is that it interferes with the ability to take ownership of individual mistakes, to forgive, and to see others as equals. Pride causes arrogance and an inflated self-worth.

Rigidity – Life requires us to go with the flow, and to practice a gentle acceptance of what is in our lives.  Being rigid only creates fighting – internally and with others. It is impossible to reach compromise with someone who cannot alter their thinking based upon new information and feedback.

Paralyzing indecisiveness – Whether it’s deciding which flavor ice cream you want, what movie you want to see, or what new career you might enjoy, decisions are a part of life. Some of us make them more quickly than others, but making a decision process long and drawn out is taxing on a relationship. Self-pity – The victim wallows in self-pity and accentuates the negative. She believes that every bad thing happens to her, and truly believes she has no control over life. Complaining and failure to take responsibility will drain a relationship with a person who has self-pity.

Neglect – Normally when we think of the word neglect, we think of a relationship. But there are so many things we can neglect. We can neglect our bodies, homes, values, communication, finances – all causing our relationships to suffer. To neglect means to stop engaging in those tasks necessary for positive growth.

Fearfulness – No relationship will grow unless you are willing to assert what you have to say or do, knowing that it is in the best interest of all concerned. You must have freedom to be yourself in body, mind and spirit.

Defensiveness – The ego is fragile, but it’s just an ego. It is not worthy of sacrificing a relationship, yet that’s what we do when we put up our defenses and shut down our receptiveness and empathy toward others, our environment and the universe. Let your guard down and be open and vulnerable.

Do you want to be hot or not?

Photo Credit: CB Photography

Lori Radun

Lori Radun is a mom of two boys, life coach, speaker, author of The Momnificent Life: Healthy and Balanced Living for Busy Moms, and lover of chocolate and Tae Kwon Do.

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