The importance of quality time in marriage

The world moves at a tremendously fast pace. It’s virtually impossible to disconnect from work, social networks, media, news, even friends and family. Life is often an overload of emails, voice mails, instant messages, profiles, shows, kids’ activities, schedules, and the endless desire to know about what’s going on around you.

It’s far too easy to let the important things in your life slip through the cracks and get lost in the chaos. Days could go by without speaking to family members, or sharing deeper moments with your spouse.

Make  quality time intentional

Finding moments for quality connections in marriage takes planning. It requires intentionality. Quality time rarely happens by chance.

There are many things that can get in the way of finding moments together. It’s also possible that the time you spend together has become stale. Yes, even quality time can become routine. Perhaps you need to recharge your relationship.

Spending time with the one you love is important in every relationship. While this may seem obvious, it’s these times of deeper connection that will sustain you during the lean times.

Quality time presents opportunities for growth

I believe we are designed for relationships, and relationships are the best place to grow up together and individually.

I’ve written this many times before: Marriage is not about happiness, it’s about growing and developing into a better human. Happiness may come along at times and it’s most often found in quality time with your partner, but it’s your growth that enhances and sparks the relationship for the long haul.

Whether the quality time you create with the one you love is a few minutes each day, an evening a week, or a weekend away, all it takes to make this happen is commitment and choice.

Here are some ways to find more quality time and even a few things to do during the time:

• Schedule the time each week
• Give up your TV
• Disconnect the Internet
• Walk together in the evening, you can even take the kids
• Send emails or quick messages to each other during the day
• Listen to music (my wife and kids love doing this each evening)
• Cook dinner together
• Establish a consistent date night
• Stick to a bedtime routine with your kids (even have them go to bed early some nights)
• Trade evenings watching kids with another family so each set of parents can have a date night
• Find a regular babysitter
• Use your vacation time, even half days in order to be together in the afternoon
• Play board games as a family, or with your spouse
• Enjoy a cup of coffee or glass of wine together on the couch
• Sit together outside and look at the stars
• Read together
• Play card games
• Sneak away from a party or gathering and go make out
• Dance
• Snuggle together and watch a movie
• Go to a movie and make out like teenagers
• Reminisce about favorite memories together
• Have dinner by candlelight, even with the kids
• Hold hands often
• Hug
• Have lunch together during the week
• Turn off the radio riding together in the car
• Take a shower or bath together
• Bike ride together, you can each have a headset for your phone and talk to each other the entire time
• Have an affair with your spouse
• Play poker, be creative with your betting
• Leave little notes for each other around the house
• Say “I love you”
• Have a picnic (even if it’s in the living room)
• Go to bed early
• Have sex

Do you have any other ideas? Share them in the comment section below!

Corey Allan Ph.D.

Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. He’s also a husband, father, author and speaker. Listen to his radio show Sexy Marriage Radio for honest, open, straight-forward talk about sex and marriage.

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