6 Signs he is NOT the guy for you

The endless search for lasting love can be exhausting, frustrating and depressing. In a world dominated by social media, serial dating, and a cheating rate of 60% in married couples, we may question why we even bother to search. We search because we want to be in love. We want to feel that connection and safety with another person. We are born to love and have relationships.

If you’re currently dating someone, here are six signs he is not the guy for you:

1.   He’s unavailable.

If you can’t easily get in touch with him when he lives in the same city, something is amiss. For a woman, it’s always a little nerve-wracking to reach out to a new guy. If you call him and he sounds annoyed or inconvenienced, and only returns some of your calls and texts, maybe this isn’t the guy for you. If he treats you this way, it’s time to let go.

2.   He doesn’t notice your strengths.

If the last time he complimented you was the day you met then this is a guy who doesn’t value you the way you need. Not that a man should be falling all over himself to compliment you, but he should be proud to be yours and under no uncertain terms let you know this as often as possible. Any healthy partnership is based on recognizing the other person’s gifts and strengths and making the other feel good. This is natural component to the feeling of love.

3.   He’s only good in the moment.

You may have an amazing time when you are together, but if he hardly makes an effort to be together, he may not be having as much fun as you think. Does it seem as if thoughts of you vanish from his mind when you’re not around or he makes excuses about why he can’t see you? It’s time to walk away – regardless of how good you feel when you spend time together. A man who really wants a woman makes the effort to be with her.

4.   He needs a mama.

If you notice he’s always low on funds, doesn’t have food in his fridge, and can’t keep his place clean, this man is looking for a mama. He will take from you, allow you to care for him, and will not value you. This is a clear sign he can’t take care of himself. Get up and run, unless of course, you feel like having a child sooner than conception.

5.   He’s inflexible.

Is your guy controlling? Do you find that events must go his way for any type of relationship to be established? When you are straightforward with him about what you expect, he may agree. However, when it comes down to it, if it isn’t his way it will be the highway, so start driving. Relationships require flexibility and an effort from both partners to meet each other’s needs. A successful relationship can’t be based on one person’s ideas.

6.   He’s a quitter.

If this man would let you walk away without any type of a fight then he was never invested or he knows deep down you’re too good for him. Your first real fight will give you an idea if he’s a quitter. If you find you’re the one who needs to fix everything when he is clearly in the wrong, you’re setting a pattern of being with someone who has no desire to nurture the relationship. He would rather give up. This person doesn’t have much self-value, and certainly not enough of a work-ethic to value anyone else.

All of these men may seem easy to spot, but any one or combination of these signs could happen in your relationships. You’ll be amazed at what kind of mental trickery you’ll do to yourself to stay in the relationship. You may search for any evidence to show he loves you. Why do you do hang on? The relationship may still provide you with some amount of value, happiness, and pleasure and you may have an attachment to him.

If staying with a man comes from making excuses and justifying his substandard treatment, you’re missing out on meeting someone who can love you with no excuses.

Sherrie Campbell, Ph.D.

Dr. Sherrie Campbell is an author and a licensed Psychologist with more than nineteen years of clinical training and experience. She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love and truly achieve an empowered life. Get her free article on Five Ways to Make Love the Common Ground in Your Communication. She is also a featured expert on a variety of national websites and has a successful practice in southern California. Receive free insights from Sherrie and get involved in her Facebook community with others looking to improve their relationship. For more information visit SherrieCampbellPhD.com.

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